Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts

Wednesday, 9 May 2012

Take a Left at Writer's Corner


So it’s been a while since my last blog post. Why? Well... which is why I’m only writing this now. Did that make sense? No. Actually, I deleted all the excuses and reasons which I had stored up as armour because you don’t really want to know. You don’t really want to know what mundane life-things have happened to me in between posts. Presumably, you’re here to read an interesting blogpost. To be honest, up until this point it wasn’t even going to be interesting but having deleted all that mush in between, I think that’s a pretty good thing to talk about.

When you’re reading a book do you really want to know that after the big party and before the heroine finally succumbs to the hero’s charms that she had to put fresh food down for the cat, that she drew the curtains in the bedroom (which are marigold yellow with orange leaves on them) and that she had to set Virgin Tivo to record an episode of Deadliest Catch which was being shown at 4am?
No!
You want to get down to the nitty gritty of the story that matters. The only exception I might add at this point is if putting fresh food down results in the cat becoming poisoned or throws up in the hero’s shoes causing him to kick the cat and cause a conflict, or because drawing the curtains enables her to see into her neighbour’s house where she witnesses a murder and she and her hero must help police solve the crime.
Okay, those are a bit extreme but what I’m trying to say is you don’t want to read stuff which doesn’t move the story forward in some way. None of it. As a writer, you might think well, I’ve done it for the most part, there’s no harm in slipping in a bit of redundant information here because it feels so good. There is harm! It’s not needed so it should go – all of it!

I know that’s all well and good saying that but as a writer I know just how easy it is to get caught up in the moment, you are so “into” the scene that you just can’t help but describe every little thing that goes on, whether it’s needed or not. And editing that is one of the hardest things in writing. “Killing your babies” as they say. Stephen King, in his book On Writing, quotes a theatre saying (which I’d never heard before): “If there’s a gun on the mantle in Act I, it must go off in Act III”. For any writer who hasn’t read Mr King’s memoir of the craft, then I recommend you do. It’s the best five pounds you’ll ever spend (apart from Keeping the Peace, of course, which is only £1.94 on Amazon).
I found it a terrific help but I still sometimes struggled to put what he advised into practice. I’m a visual kind of person. Loads of instructions mean diddly to me unless I can rearrange it in my head into a picture which makes sense. The way I use Stephen King’s advice is as follows. It may work for you, it may not. Hey, we’re all different but if you’re struggling with cutting down on your descriptive narratives here’s another way of considering it.

Imagine you’re driving in your car in a strange town. You haven’t got a map with you and the Sat Nav isn’t working again and you’re trying to get to – let’s say the library, an old favourite. You stop and ask for directions.
The first person says “Carry on down this road, there are some lovely mock Tudor houses on your right, the Fox and Rabbit pub, some more terraced houses each with a different painted door, while on the left there is a Co-Op, a SpecSavers, a Poundland shop, a Vue Cinema and the Black Cat pub. Take a right into Park Lane, where there is an avenue of maple trees losing their leaves, some Victorian style houses opposite a small green with a skate-park and swings. You’ll come to a set of traffic lights where they are doing some roadworks and you should take a left there into Lower Fifth Street, pass by the bus depot and transport union offices which are painted an off-cream but has graffiti on the walls, past the City Hall opposite the primary school which was used as a bomb shelter during the war and a 17th century cottage where the headmaster lives with his wife. Then you’ll see a TK-Max store with a big car park next door. And the library is your next building along.”
The second person says “Carry on up this road. Opposite the Fox and Rabbit pub turn right into Park Lane then turn left into Lower Fifth Street at the roadworks then park by TK Max and the library is just next door.”

Which set of directions is the more straight forward? I’m hoping you thought the second otherwise we have a problem. The first is just too much. I’m sure it’s nice to know what pubs are in the area and the autumnal maple trees probably do look quite beautiful but you want to get to the library, end of.
In the second example, however, the director hasn’t totally left out a bit of descriptiveness. He or she has mentioned clear landmarks to look out for in order to make the journey easier. That’s great, it’s not completely clinical (i.e. turn right into Park Lane, turn left into Lower Fifth Street), but it’s not overwhelming either. If you took his advice you’d look for the Fox and Rabbit and know that Park Lane is opposite it and you’d hopefully make the turn in time. But the first director has pointed out mock Tudor houses, two pubs, a cinema, some retailers as well and with all that going on you’re probably going to miss your turn-off.
The same applies with writing. If you overload your reader with superfluous information they’re in danger of missing the vital information they need to know in order to navigate smoothly through your book without having to backtrack and get frustrated.
That’s how I think of my writing when I’m redrafting and it makes more sense. If your reader doesn’t need to know it, don’t tell them. But equally so, find a happy balance. Give them some “landmarks” along the way to make the journey easier.

The other thing is “Get in late, get out early”. We’ve all heard that mantra before. We all know it works, it’s proven and it makes sense, but how easy is it to pinpoint when a scene should start? What are you losing by cutting out the two hundred-word introduction and how do you then start the scene without jarring the reader?
Honestly, I don’t know.
Personally, I’ll write the scene with all the trimmings then at the end, once I know what the scene is all about, I can go back and cut out the bits which have now become redundant although they seemed important at the time.
Then there’s the stuff which you want to keep but occur in the cut intro.
Peasy.
Filter them into the next draft. For instance my latest heroine is a big Bonnie Tyler fan. It’s part of who she is so in my opinion is worthy of being mentioned in the story. How do I let the readers know this without creating a whole scene of her driving in her car with the CD player on before the REAL scene where she arrives at the pub and bumps into the hero?
The final piece started with her walking through the pub doorway with Bonnie Tyler still ringing in her ears. There you go. You know what she’s been listening to. You know she was obviously enjoying it if it was loud enough to still be ringing in her ears. The next sentence: WHAM! There’s our hero looking heroic and we cut to the chase.

And so as not to be hypocritical, I’m going to get out now. I’ve pretty much said everything I wanted to say. You’ve read all you need to read. If you reading past this... well, thanks I appreciate your company. Happy writing and happy reading!

Monday, 12 March 2012

Cheltenham: to the lengths of the earth I will go


Twas the night before Cheltenham and all through the house
Could be heard Hannah clicking on Festival updates with her laptop mouse.

Okay, I won’t go on. Poetry has never been my strongest point. But there’s something about this time of year that has such magic to it that you can’t help wanting to be poetic. People have written songs about this racing Festival before! Cheltenham is my Christmas (and birthday until I hit 30). For any of you who don’t believe how magical this festival can be, have a look at these youtube clips here then ask yourself ‘Has anyone made a song about the golf Masters?’






The cherry of Cheltenham for me is Friday, Gold Cup Day. Or on a more personal level, it is Kauto Star Day. I was working it out this morning – in the eleven years I’ve lived in England I’ve missed two festivals: the first was the year I arrived and I didn’t even know of it’s existence (the year Best Mate won his first of three Gold Cups), the second was when I was backpacking around Australia and believe me I did my damnedest to see it. I was working on a stud in New South Wales called Coolmore.
There was no chance of taking time off since I was a temporary studhand and where would I go? We were out in the middle of the Hunter Valley – my television set in my digs couldn’t even pick up Neighbours or Home and Away never mind an international channel in the early hours of the morning. Since the stud was owned by some Irish people I thought it was worth giving it a try and approaching them to see if they would record it on their state-of-the-art satellite system.
I trembled in my boots as the lowly studhand approached the big Irish magnate. I was shown sympathy but told it wasn’t possible. So instead I watched what races I could find on youtube the following day. Those were the lengths I would go to watch the festival.

And since Kauto Star’s introduction I haven’t missed one. I have always taken time off work to watch it. I threatened to quit my job when they wouldn’t let me take those days – am I bordering on obsessive? Perhaps, but when it comes to seeing how much Kauto Star and the festival mean to me, you see what extremes I am willing to go to.

This year, my dilemma involves university lectures. If I stay the good swotty student then I’ll be missing the first and last days of the Festival. I have a full day of seminars and lectures and writing groups on Tuesday and I have a presentation to perform for my second filming project on Friday. Tuesday, we also have the Supreme Novice’s Hurdle (maybe not the biggest race of the festival but great to see what we have to look forward to in the future), the Arkle Chase (with a very competitive renewal starring Sprinter Sacre v. Al Ferof), and the Champion Hurdle (I have invested interests in this race because my beloved Zarkandar runs in it – I don’t mean he’s literally mine – but if you read my previous post Nagsto Niches you’ll understand my attachment to him. And he, the young pretender, is up against the old champion Binocular and reigning champ Hurricane Fly.

And then Friday, of course, is just about the Gold Cup for me – I don’t even know what the rest of the card is. All I know is that Kauto Star will be lining up for the sixth time in this race (and possibly the last) in an attempt to win his third Gold Cup. He’s up against Long Run who beat him into third last year same time, same place, but this season Kauto has trumped Long Run in two out of two clashes. Why is he still the underdog? Possibly because he is 12 compared to most of the other runners who’s age averages out at 8 or 9. He also had a nasty fall while schooling the other day. But he seems to be back to 100% now and I have a stupid amount of faith in him.

So that’s how my timetable clashes. Important things will be missed either way. I’ll feel very guilty if I bunk off uni for the races but I will not be able to forgive myself if I miss Cheltenham. I have compromised with myself. Since we’ve now got Virgin Tivo, I’m going to record Tuesday’s action and go to uni. In return for not watching it live I am taking Friday off to watch Kauto canter to victory. The presentation will have to wait until next week. Sorry tutors.

And that pretty much is what the next week holds for me. I’m finding it exceptionally difficult to focus on anything else other than the Festival so the writing of Giving Chase has been put aside for now. After losing my USB stick I am having to retype Keeping the Peace (which is, in a way, a good thing because it’s forcing me to micro-edit) but it’s also put me against the clock if I’m to manage the April release deadline. Another reason why I’ve decided to take a sabbatical from Giving Chase is because I’m currently reading Ruby, the autobiography of champion jockey Ruby Walsh. Since Giving Chase focuses on the lives of two jockeys in particular, I thought it would be a good way to research the more personal side of the sport on top of the broader research which I’ve done.
Needless to say, there’s way more to it than I’d anticipated and I think I’d better stock up on jockey and trainer autobiographies before carrying on with my blinkered take on being a jockey!

I won’t be posting until after Cheltenham so I’ll say where my ‘money’ is going over the next few days (these are not tips by the way!).
Day One: Arkle Chase – Sprinter Sacre; Champion Hurdle – Zarkandar.
Day Two: RSA Chase – Grand Crus.
Day Three: World Hurdle – Big Buck’s. 
Day Four: Triumph Hurdle – Baby Mix; Gold Cup – Kauto Star.

Wish me (and them) luck!

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

A New Chapter or Six

What happened to Katie Melua? You never hear of her these days yet as I’m trawling the web for suitable tracks to accompany the new book-venture, I’m having to stop myself from lumping her entire collection into my soundtrack. Take a listen to this as you read:


 
Where were we the last time we left off - I promise if I had anything of any interest I’d do more regular updates but alas, my life continues to coast along. Actually, I don’t know if I’d like it if my life became manic. For one, I don’t know how my writing would cope. When I moved to Norwich almost a year ago to the day, it took me a good fortnight to find my writing rhythm again. I think it’s something to do with feeling settled - plus I kept getting distracted by the big ass spiders that inhabited my new bedroom (I have now moved from there and have two cats so spiders are no longer a problem).
Anyway, I digress. Oh yes, last time I was telling you about my holiday in Malta (go there those of you who haven’t, go there again those of you who have) and telling you the continuing saga of At Long Odds and Keeping The Peace.

Just to keep you up to date, nothing exciting has happened on the book front. Keeping The Peace is with some publishers but they’ve been very quiet in the two months they’ve had it. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Sorry, I’m a pessimist (leads to less disappointment when things go wrong), it’s probably a bad thing. In the meantime, I’ve started Keeping The Peace’s sequel and am six chapters in. This book has been a bit of a wake-up call. I presumed that when Keeping The Peace turned out to be relatively easy to write in comparison to At Long Odds, it was because At Long Odds was the first proper (note: proper - not the three books I wrote as a fanciful teenager) book that I’d written and therefore still learning the ropes. I assumed that the ropes had now been learned when Keeping The Peace flowed like Victoria Falls onto my screen. Great, I thought! Book number 3 will be even easier!
Cue squealing brakes. Not so.
This book - I haven’t even been able to settle on a title yet and that’s usually the first thing that comes - is like having to drag Dominic West up a hill to a remote cottage. Exhausting and painful, yet each time you look at him or think of what’s to follow when you eventually reach the cottage, it makes you carry on. I shall be very disappointed if I reach that metaphorical cottage with my metaphorical Dominic West and find my only reward is metaphorical tea. So even though I’m only six chapters in I’m already praying the end will have enough oomph to leave the reader with that warm fuzzy feeling inside.

I started this book at the beginning of August, thinking don’t be too ambitious with the amount of work you can get done. Keep it manageable so I set myself the target of 7,000 words a week (I read somewhere someone saying it’s best to have weekly targets rather than daily targets - that way you’re not under so much pressure). I kept to that target for approximately 24 hours as I discovered just how uneasy this book was going to be. Nevertheless, I still have the end of the year as my overall target to have the first draft finished and I’m only a little behind (maybe 10,000 words behind but I’ve convinced myself not to panic).

Also having just read Amanda Hocking’s blog here, I am in awe of this woman. Yes, it’s all tremendous that she’s made so much money, blah-dee-blah, but her work ethic is incredible! I think some of her books have taken her two or three weeks to write (once all the planning and prep has been done). There is no way I could hammer out even half a book in that time, so hats off to you, Amanda.

Another thing about Amanda’s blog (I haven’t read any of her books but if her blog is anything to go by then they’re guaranteed to be hilarious) is that I now really understand how much hard work it is to self-publish. It certainly is not the easy way out. I’m under no delusions - I don’t reckon on becoming the new indie-pub sensation - but I still look at At Long Odds with great fondness and read the reviews it has received on fictionpress and it makes me yearn to self-publish it now that the traditional route has turned it down.

Plus, even though there is no evidence to show that book trailers do anything to increase sales, I really want to make a book trailer for it. But a proper trailer that doesn’t just comprise of stills. I want there to be actors. I’ve got the music (check out Miika’s music here, he is a genius) , soon I’ll have access to camera equipment and studios/editing suites when I start my film production degree. All I really need is someone to do hero Julien Larocque justice. He might be modelled on Billy Crudup’s character in the film adaptation of Charlotte Gray but when I think about it, Johnny Depp would be the perfect man to fill that role. Well, if he shaved off his goatee and cut his hair. So Johnny, if you’re reading this give us a shout if you’re prepared to do these things (for free I might add, I’m doing this on a student’s budget).


Billy Crudup

Johnny Depp

See the similarity? Plus, I have the feeling Johnny might do a better French accent than Billy (I loved you in Charlotte Gray, Billy - hell, you inspired me to write a book, but the accent slipped a few too many times).

In two weeks’ time, it’ll be Freshers Week at university. And according to Facebook everyone has only one thing on their agenda: to get completely sloshed. Let me put this in perspective for you: I’m going to see a Neil Diamond tribute concert with my mum this weekend and a walk on the beach. I’m only 30 yet I feel Freshers Week is going to make me feel twice that. I will let you know how it goes down. Take care.

Monday, 25 July 2011

A 30-year-old A Level student in Malta

Recall that sunset and the cloud cover metaphor I used a while back? Okay, think really hard - I realise it was a while back since anything was posted on my blog. To give your memory a nudge I was riding off into the sunset after securing myself a literary agent with my novel At Long Odds. The sunset then became overshadowed by cloud cover when unfortunately the publishing world weren’t as keen to take At Long Odds on as I was to foist it upon them.
Well, I think I might stick to that metaphor with the continuing saga since it implies horses and romance and - yeah, you get the picture, don’t you?
It would seem the horse I was riding off on has become lame. Is it worth saving? Maybe but it’ll be some place further down the line. Instead I’ve jumped on a shiny new steed in the shape of Keeping The Peace, my latest novel. It went through the nail-biting process of the Romantic Novelists Association New Writer’s Scheme (with two critiques) and under the sharp scrutiny of my agent. And the good news is I and Keeping The Peace appear to have come out the other side unscathed. Since it’s submission I think I’ve undergone more changes than the novel (see below).
And now we’re at that point again of waiting. Waiting for publishers to say those magic words. Going back to that metaphor, Keeping The Peace is a stronger, fitter, better-looking and more well-proportioned horse to be riding off on than At Long Odds. Here’s hoping it’ll last the distance (it had better because I’ve just started the sequel).

In other news, I am now officially qualified up to Level 2 standard now after completing an Access course in Creative Writing, English Literature and Journalism. In some ways it doesn’t have the impact that having 3 As at A Level does, but in other ways the work was (apparently) the same difficulty level and was compacted into one year’s study instead of two, making it harder than A Levels. I don’t know. All I do know is that it was a terrific experience; I met some amazing people, both students and tutors and some might say most importantly, it’s got me the grades to get into Anglia Ruskin this September to study Writing and Film Production (is it wrong to tell people when they ask that ‘I’m going to study in Cambridge’? It’s not really lying after all).

And this monumental moment in my life, which usually occurs when people are turning 18 happens the week of my 30th birthday*. I’ve bid farewell to those short carefree years of my twenties and am now preparing to settle down, behave, act responsibly and get published in my thirties - oh, did I mention I’m going to become an university student in a few weeks’ time? Maybe I’ll just concentrate on getting published in the next decade.

And to bring you more or less up to date with everything in my more than a little haphazard life, I’ll fill you in on the short holiday recently taken by my mother and I in Malta (by the way, this is where I underwent the ‘change’ I referred to earlier). That change came in the form of extremely painful sunburn followed by a beautiful if somewhat patchy tan. For ten lovely hot days, I felt like the island was honeymooning me and I’ve come away having fallen in love with the land and its people. If you’ve been to Malta you probably recognise this feeling. If you haven’t been, then I strongly recommend going. It’s the best place to unwind and just chill out (so long as you have the air-conditioning on).
The best thing that came out of that holiday for me was the inspiration juices it got churning again. I finished my final writing project/beginning and synopsis of screenplay for my Access course while relaxing in Ta Peter's Restaurant, which earned me a distinction and recommendation from my tutor to pitch it as a 6 part drama series to then be adapted into a feature film, using State of Play as an example.  Only if Dominic West or Tom Hardy act in it is all I can say.
On top of completing my course project, I had time to dwell on my next book.  It's slowly beginning to take a more solid shape, characters are becoming more defined and plotlines less blurred. I think holidaying in Malta is going to become an annual event for me (finances allowing of course. When I tell people I’m excited to be going to university in seven weeks’ time, I don’t mention the main reason is finally getting a student loan). And who knows, if I become tired of writing horse-themed novels, Malta isn’t a bad backdrop for a book. It’s just a pity there aren’t any horses there.

Anchored at Crystal Bay

Cocktails at Cafe Puccini

Cathedral in Mdina


 
*thanks for the party, Mel; I never thought I’d enjoy drinking sparkling wine and listening to John Denver on full blast quite so much.

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Two Wrongs Do Make A Writer

One of my favourite philosophies in life is ‘Learn from your mistakes’. Another equally valuable one to remember is ‘Learn from everyone else’s mistakes’. In writing you are always going to make mistakes (and hopefully learn from them) but it would make things so much easier if most of these errors could be avoided.
How?
By learning from everyone else’s of course. And some people are kind enough not only to write books about these mistakes but alternatives and the things which worked for them.

Here’s a list of 30 such books, exploring everything from plot to punctuation to publishing and everything in between. They’ve all been recommended by fellow writers as being helpful but bear in mind, what works for one person might not strike a chord with you. The beauty of having so much variety in advice is that you can pick and choose what suits your way of writing.

I’ve spent the last eight months completing an Access course in Creative Writing and sure, I learnt about the craft of writing (and crucially, self-discipline) but what my tutors taught me* were just their opinions on how to write a novel. There is of course no right or wrong way to write a novel, but if you read something being repeated in many of these writing books, you can bet it’s something fundamental to a creating successful novel.

Have fun filling up your bookshelf!


12 Point Guide To Writing Romance - Kate Walker
Becoming A Writer - Dorothea Brande
Bird By Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life  - Anne Lamott
Characters and Viewpoint: Elements of Writing Fiction - Orson Scott Card
Getting the Point: A Panic Free Guide to English Punctuation for Adults - Jenny Haddon and Elizabeth Hawksley
Goal, Motivation and Conflict: The Building Blocks of Good Fiction - Debra Dixon
Love Writing: How to Make Money Writing Romantic or Erotic Fiction - Sue Moorcroft
On Writing: A Memoir - Stephen King
Plotting and Editing: for Writers - Anna Jacobs (kindle edition)
Plotting the Novel - Michael Legat
Scene and Structure - Jack M. Bickham
Steering the Craft - Ursula K. Le Guin
Story: Substance, Structure, Style and the Principles of Screenwriting - Robert McKee
Telling Lies for Fun and Profit - Lawrence Block
The Artists’ Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity - Julia Cameron
The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Getting Your Romance Published - Julie Beard
The Elements of Style - William Strunk Jnr. and E.B. White
The Fire in Fiction - Donald Maass
The Marshall Plan Workbook: Writing Your Novel from Start to Finish - Evan Marshall
The Novelist’s Guide: Powerful Techniques for Creating Character, Dialogue and Plot - Margret Geraghty
The Writer’s Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers - Christopher Vogler
To Writers with Love: On Writing Romantic Novels - Mary Wibberley
Wannabe a Writer? - Jane Wenham-Jones
Wannabe a Writer We’ve Heard Of? - Jane Wenham-Jones
Write Away - Elizabeth George
Write to be Published - Nicola Morgan
Writing for Emotional Impact - Karl Iglesias
Writing for Pleasure and Profit - Michael Legat
Writing Screenplays that Sell - Michael Hauge
Writing the Breakout Novel Workbook: Hands-on Help for Making Your Novel Stand Out and Succeed  - Donald Maass
 

This blog post is by no means a promotional banner for these authors (although of course they should be rewarded and acknowledged for writing such helpful books). It’s to help you, the writer, so if you’ve read any other writing books which you’d like to recommend, then please go wild in the comments section (once you’ve hurdled that incomprehensible code you have to translate to prove you’re not a computer).
 

* or tried to, poor suffering souls

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Eat Your Heart Out Bridget Jones, Mine’s A Blog

So, here’s the thing.  The first few words debut bloggers cautiously tap out on their keyboards always have that edge of apprehensiveness.  There’s an almost tangible question hanging in the air saying
“Am I a crazy fool for blogging about my thoughts and other nonsensicalness when I know nobody is reading this yet?”
“Furthermore, do said musings et al warrant people’s interest?”
“Everyone has something exciting happen to them at some stage in their life but is it enough to justify a blog?”
As a writer, you are told time and time again "Get yourself out there, start a blog, get on to Twitter" (ha!  Already there!) but the first I’ve always hesitated at.  Until of course the obvious became, well… obvious.  A blog is not a diary.  It’s true, people aren’t going to be interested in my 16-year-old self’s entries* which usually read along the lines of “Rick passed me on the way home from football practice.  He smiled and said ‘Hi there.’  I’m sure he doesn’t have to go home that way and he did go out of his way to speak to me…”.  Needless to say, Rick did apparently have to go home that way and possibly the fact that I all but engineered our every meeting, meant Rick never did feel the way this starry-eyed love-struck teenager hoped.  Sucker.
 
A blog isn’t a day-by-day account of one’s life.  Unless a blogger jets around the world, flits between death-defying circus acts whilst working on NASA’s budget space-liner to the moon and part-times as Tom Cruise’s psychiatrist (yeah, I know he won’t get one), one isn’t going to be blogging every day.  Sometimes weeks or months can go by without anything blogworthy happening.  So here I am, willing to take a chance that something blogworthy will happen soon.  Why?  Because at round about this point in the history of humanity my life is beginning to take shape.  It’s taken nearly 30 years but the dream that I’ve harboured for the majority of that time actually has a texture to it now.  The texture is smooth, approximately 80gsm per sheet (of which I count 360), an off-white colour with a black chemical splattered over it and is otherwise known as the manuscript of my first book, the horse-racing romance, At Long Odds.
 
To cut a long story short, I went through the same rigmarole as every other aspiring author, learning the craft, redrafting, editing, getting countless rejections and eventually disposing of the manuscript in the bottom drawer labelled “Learning Curve”.  Then out of the blue last December, I received a phone call from a hugely-excited agent wanting to represent me.  Did I act calm, think things through rationally and keep my blooming career as a novelist a surprise to my family?  No.  I shrieked “Yes please!” to the agent, agreed to do everything she asked (in my defence and to her credit, everything she asked to be changed in the book were valid improvements) and before the light on the screen of my mobile had had a chance to fade, I was dialling my mother’s number at work, screaming “My book’s gonna be published!  I’m gonna be the next Jilly Cooper!”  The latter comment wasn’t met with as much glee as the first (don't worry Mum, I won't force you to read the sex scenes) but each to their own.

Now, my agent (every time I say that, a warm feeling swells inside me - it does have a certain ring to it) and I are awaiting decisions from various publishers.  This time, I’m determined to keep any good news a secret from my mum until I have that lovely freshly-printed and bound copy of At Long Odds in my hands.  Yes, this time I am determined.  Just watch me.

* This statement excludes my elder brother, Daniel.  When you told the parents what I’d written in my diary and subsequently got me grounded for close to a year, your excuse of ‘It was in your best interests’ still does not pass muster with me, even fourteen years on.